For anyone who has accessed this blog hoping to find out info or insights on what it's like to design and decorate cakes, I'm afraid I've severely disappointed you.
But I'm burned out, remember? About the last thing I want to write about is cakes. I don't even EAT cake for that matter. But if you really want to see what I've done, and can do, you can always visit the Cake-o-rama.
However, my friend Beryl, who is not burned out (as far as I know) is not only writing about cakes, but is one of the best cake designer/stylists out there! She is also a redhead! Redheaded cake stylists rule the world, if not the entire universe. Mike McCarey is a redhead too.
See?
You MUST check out Beryl's website, Just Fabulous Pastries!
Check out her blog too! The View from the Top of the Cake!
First of all I wanna give props to the artist of this comic! Professional cook by day, aspiring comic strip writer by night!
He knows of what he writes. Anybody who's done their time in kitchens can relate to this comic. Check it out!
Like the name implies, it's not for the easily (or even slightly offended). And if you're easily or slightly offended, then you've never worked in a kitchen, and you wouldn't understand anyway.
Which leads me to the topic of this post.......why becoming a chef is a really dumb idea. For most people.
So you're probably asking, "Anne, you're a chef, are you dumb?" And the answer to that is, "Yes.......yes I am."
So now you're probably saying, "Well why are you still a chef?" And my answer to that is, "Because my stupidity
knows no bounds."
And other chefs are saying, "You're a pastry chef, you don't count!" And to that I say,
"F*&k you, hot side!" Just kidding!
I love all of you on the hot side (when you're not spilling your hollafreakingdaise
sauce on my wedding cakes or storing thawing meat above my short dough, or turning the oven up to 500 degrees when I've got cheesecakes in there!)
Seriously though Anne, why are you a pastry chef?
Well, here's my story. The short version.
In a galaxy far away and long ago (the 80's), I graduated from high school with absolutely no aspirations, goals, or plans for college. Not to mention money. I thank my "guidance counselors" for this. I had no guidance from them and they never informed me that there was life after high school....they also never clued me in on things like "scholarships" or "careers" or anything like that. Of course I don't blame myself, because you know, that "personal responsibility" thing is SO passe! So graduation comes and goes, and left me saying "now what?" Well, my parents, god bless 'em, had the answer......I'm getting a job! Mom even knew where I was getting a job too. After a shopping spree to buy me some "job huntin' clothes", she put me on the bus to downtown Seattle so I could fill out a job app with the PHONE COMPANY. Mom worked at the phone company and knew what an exciting career I could have there. So I filled out an app, took a bunch of tests, had an interview, and I was hired. This began my fulfilling 10 year career of being a telephone operator. Um........NOT. Oh sure, working at a union job at the phone co (in those days, before cell phones, computers, and other various technologies) was a cushy gig. I had paid vacations, sick days, personal days, full medical, dental and vision coverage, catered buffets during the holidays, time and a half on Sundays.......it was sweet. That's what kept me there. I was making more money then most of my friends and I bought a brand new car. Who needs college? Just one small problem.......the JOB.
Pardon my french, but it sucked a$$.
After 10 years of talking to the stupidest people on the planet in 15 to 30 second increments, and having managers tell me to work faster, but be more personable and polite to the customers, I'd really just had it. I wanted OUT, but had nowhere to go. After being a telephone operator for that long, I didn't really have much of a job skill set except to be a secretary or a receptionist or an answering service employee. All I knew was that sitting on my butt all day in a little cubicle talking to idiots was not my thing.
Now it's 1990, and technology is on the verge of exploding.
The dudes at the phone co. saw the writing on the wall, and knew they weren't going to need very many operators in the future because "the machines" were going to take over. The Union saw this too, and made sure there were certain job re-training benefits in our contract. One day the "company" publicized their new program called "Pathways", which translated meant, "here's a little money to go to college and learn something and get another job so we don't have to give you a giant severance package!" Well, that was my ticket out. I did a lot of baking at home as a hobby....it was relaxing and fun! I thought "Wow! I'll go to school and learn to be a baker! That would be a fun job!" I didn't do anything smart, like do a little research on what it was like to be a baker, or what kind of pay they got, or anything of the sort. I just KNEW that my job sucked SO BAD, that absolutely NOTHING could be worse, and that's all I needed to know.
So I enrolled in my local technical college's baking and pastry and culinary arts programs and took a leave of absence from the phone co. Phone co. paid for ALL of it, and hubby supported me through it all too.
School was great. I excelled. I found something I was REALLY GOOD at.
And to this day, I love the actual work I do. I love creating, making pretty and delicious things, and I love it when people take the time to compliment my work, because it all makes for "job satisfaction". But after 18 years of doing this, I wish that someone had sat me down when I decided to bake for a living and tell me about all the "other stuff".
Who knows if I would have made a different decision, but I definitely know I would have thought about it a little more.
Ironically, the computer repair technician class was right next door to the college bakery, and honestly, as geeky as I am, I really should have been in THERE, pocket protector and all.
What's the "OTHER STUFF"?
The "other stuff" is what the recruiters for the big name culinary schools (like Le Cordon Bleu et al) don't tell you.
It's what I had no clue about when I went into culinary/pastry school. It's the stuff that weeds out the true chefs (translate: crazy maniacs) from the wannabe's in a matter of months.....or even weeks. Or days. Hey, don't get me wrong, I'm all for "following your bliss", because I followed mine. But remember......ignorance is bliss. Just don't be ignorant. If you're gonna change careers, or embark on one in the culinary field.....for the love of g*d, do your homework! Go get a part time job in a restaurant or bakery to see it up close and personal. Read "Kitchen Confidential" by Anthony Bourdain. Interview chefs and other food people. Read this blog.
Off the top of my head, here is the STUFF I am talking about.
- Most jobs (not all) rarely have things like paid vacations, medical or dental benefits, shift differentials, or 401K plans. Basically, it's just a paycheck.
- Speaking of paychecks, they're not very big. People in the service industry don't get paid like software engineers, and they never will. I couldn't afford to be a pastry chef if it weren't for the fact that I can depend on my husband's paycheck to get us through. Sure, you can find decent wages in the industry......they exist....mostly in the bigger cities like New York, Chicago, L.A., Las Vegas.....if you work in a hotel your chances of getting benefits are good too.
- Kitchens are hot and uncomfortable. Knives are sharp. Large amounts of food are heavy. Ovens and pans are hot. Floors are slippery. The grease trap is the foulest thing you'll ever smell. Rats are NOT your friends.
- Because of the above, some chefs can be crabby a$$holes. Some of them will take it out on you. There's lots of cussing and temper tantrums. You'll hear bad words that you didn't even know existed before. Sometimes saute pans fly through the air. Remember to duck.
- Just because you have a passion for food and all things culinary, doesn't mean most of your co-workers feel the same way. A lot of food service jobs are entry-level and these jobs are filled by people that intend to go on to better things (or not). Either way, they don't care about stuff like you do. Sometimes you have to pick up their slack and it's not fun.
- In the food world, an 8 hour shift is short. Most of the time, you're done when you're done. Employers like to find ways not to pay you overtime. And sometimes, you do the REALLY STUPID THING (because you care so much), and work OFF THE CLOCK. Please don't do this. I've done it, and all it's gotten me is a crapload of resentment that I carry around. Resentment makes one bitter, and bitter people don't do the world any favors, except when they're telling people not to do what they did. *ahem*
- Speaking of shifts, guess what? Not many of them are "9-5". Early mornings......late nights, graveyard, swing, weekends, holidays........yeah, social life? Put that on hold. What's worse is the holidays are the busiest for most places.....so not only do you have to work on the holidays, but you have to work HARDER. And faster.
- Sometimes, no matter how hard you work or how much passion you put into something, customers will still complain. Because it's human nature to complain when things are bad, and not compliment when things are fine or excellent, we hear more negative feedback than positive. Not good for morale. My favorite movie moment: In the film "Mostly Martha" or the American re-make "No Reservations", the chef-heroine stomps out to the table of the customer complaining about the doneness of their steak, slaps down a piece of raw meat, and says, "There! Rare enough for ya??" How many times I wish I could have done something like that.......
- Sometimes, the owner of the establishment or your immediate boss (who may not necessarily be a chef), will ask you to do the seemingly impossible.........like, they'll say, "oh I forgot to tell you, there's an order for 200 petit fours for tomorrow.........at 7 am." It is now 8 pm and you've already worked 10 hours. If you're experienced you know to prepare for stuff like this, and will have your "stash" in the freezer......all you have to do is cut and dip 'em. But it still means your 10 hour shift has now become a 13 or 14 hour shift. Or it means that you go home and get up really early the next day to do it. OR, you have to build the petit fours from the ground up, meaning you have to bake off the cakes that night AND get up early the next morning to finish them off. Either way, it's really irritating, because you found out the order was on the books since last week, and you're put out because the GM "just forgot" to tell you! Ha ha! It's so much fun to pull stuff out of your butt just to save theirs! Ha ha! Anyway, that's just an example......but it happens.....more often than one would think.
- I've touched on the immediate injury part of the job; burns, cuts, and falls, but there's long term injury too. After 18 years I have to wear orthotics in my shoes from standing on my feet all day; I've had carpal tunnel surgery on both hands, but the numbness and pain are now recurring, and I have osteoarthritis in my shoulders and hands. I don't have the stamina I used to either. Granted, it's not the most risky and dangerous job in the world, but the long term effects aren't fun to live with, and they make it harder to do my job too.
- In order to do your job right (and make it easier for yourself) you have to invest in a lot of your own equipment. You also have to protect it with your life, because if your co-workers get a hold of anything it will either get lost or horribly abused or both. For the hot side, it's mostly knives, thermometers and even nice saute pans. For the pastry side, it's even more complicated.......spatulas, piping bags and tips, specialized and varying sized pans, molds, cake rings......etc. This equipment is not cheap either. And on both sides, the hottest commodity is towels. Yes, towels. Everybody needs their towel! Most places have linen services with the clean towels being delivered once a week. Generally the rule is that everyone can have one (or two) clean towels per day. Lots of people disregard this and go through 10 towels a day, and three days into the week, all the clean towels are GONE. Because of this you will then see people getting smart and taking their weekly towel allotment, and stashing them in a secret place, just so they'll have enough towels to get them through the week.......or......they'll bring their own towels, which invariably, a co-worker will manage to steal.
If none of the above puts you off much, then maybe you can be a chef too.
Sometimes being poor and happy is better than being rich and miserable.
The bottom line is, that's why I'm still doing it, because I'm just not interested in doing anything else. Even though some days as a pastry chef have been downright miserable, I've never hated my job the way I hated being at the phone company. Life is a series of trade offs. There's some BS you can put up with and some you can't. I've chosen the BS that I can put up with and I think that's one of the keys to choosing your career. Choose your BS wisely, people!
My last piece of advice.
You do NOT have to spend big money to go to culinary school! Or for that matter spend any money at all. If you do decide to attend an expensive school, remember, it's really hard to pay off a big student loan on an entry level cook's wages! Also, when it comes to getting a job, employers usually choose a solid work history over school anyway.
School is merely a way to learn the basics and get your foot in the door. You can do this very cheaply, or you can get paid while you learn by getting an entry level job in a restaurant or other food establishment. The good thing about this is if you decide that a career in the culinary arts isn't for you, you won't have lost any type of investment.
On another note, it's not the school that you attended that "makes" you......it's your attitude and willingness to work hard that makes you. It cost just over $3000 for me to attend culinary and pastry arts programs at a vocational college, and I've been able to bake (and decorate) circles around many a CIA grad who've paid a heck of a lot more for their education. 'Nuff said.
Why did I write this?
Because a lot of people ask me questions about my job and being a chef. They are considering a career in culinary arts and are smart enough to do the research (unlike myself). I've written so many letters to people, I decided that if I had something pre-written to direct them to, I could save myself a lot of time. Pastry chefs are masters at figuring out what will save them time, because we have so much to do in so little of it.
What? You still want to be a chef? Sucker!!!!
Ha ha! Get it? Bogging.....blogging?
Well if my presence isn't bogging down the internet yet, maybe someday it will. I've got this here li'l pastry chef blog thingy, my own website, and now........I'm on Facebook.
I figured anybody who's anybody is either on MySpace or Facebook, and I chose Facebook, because I can't stand MySpace. Facebook is a little strange too, but it's a great way to find friends. Especially when you're like me and don't have any friends in real life. Internet friends are great.....they say you're their friends but they don't ask you for money or favors or a shoulder to cry on. No strings attached!
Actually being on Facebook put me in touch with a dear friend I hadn't seen since high school, so the whole Facebook thing has already paid off.
I'm pretty savvy when it comes to all things internet, but I will say Facebook can be really confusing to use and navigate through. Then there's all these little sub-applications you can add that can make things even more weird.
Some are good, some are really lame. What I really don't understand is why they charge you a dollar (or more) to send your internet friends a little picture that will appear on their Facebook profile. Excuse me, but why would I want to pay for that? Do fill me in.
If you don't have a Facebook account, go create one now! Then look me up and add me as your friend! I needs me some more kwazy internet friends.
Ok, so this post isn't about pastry or baking, but there are baguettes in the picture to the right, so it counts, OK? I stick to the theme of my blog......technically.
Anyway, I just got back from my hairdresser (my hair color is now normal again, the Ronald McDonald look is gone-yay!), and she showed me this cool bag she got as a gift.
It's called the Chico Bag.
I am now the official spokesmodel for the Chico Bag.
It's so cool! And cheap!
It's a lightweight nylon bag (think parachute material), that stuffs up into its own little tiny bag....small enough to put in your purse or coat pocket so you can take it with you anywhere. It comes in all sorts of colors and if you buy 4 you get the fifth one free. They're 5 bucks apiece.
Totally awesome. I've always hated having to designate "paper or plastic" at the grocery store, since I know that either choice isn't environmentally friendly. The only environmentally friendly choice is a reusable bag, but of course, I never have one with me. Now I will!
I bought five of them.......two for me and 3 more to give as gifts.
Ok, end of public service announcement and free plug for the Chico Bag.
Coming soon........more sugar infused ranting............
When I get home from a long day at the bakery, where I've been on my feet all day, I just want to sit my ass DOWN.
After I get my dose of the TV News, I usually plunk myself down in front of the computer, check my email, post on
eGullet and Cheftalk, see what that latest is on Britney (can't help myself, as I said in my previous post, I love trainwrecks), and then play around with my favorite computer program, Adobe Photoshop. Before I was a pastry chef, I was a geek, and I'm still a geek. I used to be very quiet about my geekness, but now I'm proud, especially when we have movies that get sympathy for our cause, like "Revenge of the Nerds". Then of course, there's Bill Gates. The nerd you make fun of today, could possibly own you tomorrow! All hail Bill! Of course I'm not saying that because Bill and my brother look strangely alike. No, not at all.
Anyway, I indulge my inner geekness after a long day of swimming in butter eggs, and flour. Here's my latest Photoshop project, in which I have inserted my face into a picture on the front of an old Hamilton Beach Mixer user's manual. Added some rats, and changed a little wording and you have yet another example of expressive art created by, yes, a burned out pastry chef. I've stayed on the "bitch theme" because well, I'm still on a diet.
Do I need professional help? You betcha. But computer art therapy is much cheaper.
Every once in a while, I, as an average moviegoer, feel compelled to write reviews on movies I've seen. But only the ones I feel passionately about. Last Friday, I saw one such film, since it's nominated for Best Picture this year. I try to see all the "contenders" so I can talk smack at the annual Oscar party that our neighbors throw. I was invited last year, not sure if I'll be invited this year. Maybe 'cause I talk smack. Anyway, I saw this:
I would like to say, passionately, that this film was the most excruciatingly long, boring, weird, piece of CRAP I've ever seen and I paid 8 bucks to do so. For one thing, this film has the WRONG title. It should be:
There, that's better.
And that, basically, is my review. If you would like to go out, spend 8 bucks to watch an overly long excruciatingly boring, bizarre movie, squirm in your seat and pray for it to end so you can go home and shoot yourself in the head, then this is the movie for you. If this movie wins ANY awards at the Oscars, I will be yelling at the top of my lungs at the television set, therefore securing my exclusion at next year's Oscar party, and all because of this STUPID STUPID movie.
I'd like to know something too.......who in the heck ARE the people that decide what gets nominated for an Academy Award? They are not of this planet, and I can tell from their choices, I would not want to socialize with them, much less go out to the movies with them. I have a feeling if Martin Scorsese made a film about grass growing, they'd love it and it would be a shoe-in for best picture. I think the only thing that saves the Academy Awards is the red carpet show beforehand, where all the smarmy emcees are critiquing equally bad fashion. Bad film, bad fashion. Everybody loves a trainwreck. As do I. But boring trainwrecks? Not so much.
To quote the late Gene Siskel and Roger Ebert, I give this movie 2 big thumbs down. And every other part of my body that points in an earthbound direction, which at 45, is quite a lot.
If this review saves anyone their 8 bucks, then I've certainly done my job.
One thing for sure......I'll never open my own cake shop. I'm crazy, but I'm not THAT crazy. But if I DID have my own shop, I've already got my name and logo ready to go. Nothing like truth in advertising!
Well, it's here......the new mixer is here. Safety freaking cage and all. But I must admit, that (aside from the safety cage), the mixer is better than I thought. I found out that all our Hobart bowls and attachments WILL fit on it, which is great. Other pluses include:
- that great "new mixer smell" which Jewlz likened to the smell of her mother's sewing machine. Namely, gear oil. Mmmmm.....nothing like a good ol' whiff of gear oil in the morning to get you going.
- a bowl lift that is actually easy to lift. I can do it one-handed, unlike the old Hobart where I had to use two hands and a "power-lifting grunt". UNNNNNNH!
- a TIMER! No more over-whipped egg whites or homemade butter from cream. Not that I ever walked away from the mixer and completely spaced it off.......no, not me.
- it's quiet. Not that that really makes any difference, since I have a convection oven that more than makes up for my lack of peace and quiet in my kitchen. And a radio that keeps me awake by blaring classic rock into my head.
- it has a warranty! But it's only good in Canada on Tuesdays between 1:00 pm and 1:05 pm. It's always good to read the fine print.
- it's shiny. Shiny is good. Shiny is cool. I plan to keep it shiny too........which brings me to my list of cons.........
- keeping it clean......because of the freaking safety cage, there's so much more to wipe down.....more nooks and crannies for flour, and various other "goop" to accumulate.
- the safety cage. I STILL hate it, although there IS an opening (a small opening....it has to be small....if I could get my hand in there, it would sort of defeat the purpose of the cage.) that comes with a pouring shield so I can add ingredients while the mixer is running and the cage is in place. But realistically the opening is so small that adding things through it is very inefficient because you have to do it so slowly. HOWEVER, I do know how to disable the cage mechanism....heh heh heh. I'll fiddle with that next week.
Jewlz loves the new mixer too. Having second speed back is a good thing. Here she is testing it out. Have I mentioned that Jewlz rocks my world and kicks my butt? I think I have. It's awesome to have a co-worker that not only steps up to the plate but hits a home run every time.......and she's not even on steroids. She drinks tea and eats lotsa veggies.....unlike me, the coffee-junkie carnivore.
In the left hand foreground is the ruling hand of Boss. Do not mess with the ruling hand! But it is OK to mess with the ruling head. HA HA! Just kidding Boss!!!!
He reads my blog you know. So, Boss, howzabout that dishwasher???? You know, that one.....sitting outside?
Or is that the first installment in the Village Baker Sculpture Park?
It's a very good thing he puts up with smart mouthed employees.
Well, for those of you who are wondering, the good news is that I'm still on my diet and exercise program. The bad news is I haven't lost much weight yet. I work so hard for such agonizingly slow results it makes me want to jump right off my Fitness Flyer and into a Twinkie Truck.
Luckily, AMERICA'S PERSONAL TRAINER, Tony Little,
keeps me motivated with his mantra:
This is my "Fitness Flyer.
The good news is I got it for cheap. The bad news is AFTER I got it home I decided to do some research on it via the internet. Experts say it's not a very good piece of equipment for those who are relatively well conditioned and want a good aerobic workout. But if you're out of shape (like me), and get short of breath going to the fridge for a beer, it's a good place to start. It'll be a while before I graduate from that thing to harder workouts, like walking up hills without complaining.
Bad news: My mixer at work is dying. It's a lovely old 20 qt. Hobart, but 2nd gear is toast. I can only use 1st gear (uber slow) and 3rd gear (uber fast). Guess which gear I use most. That's right. As Goldilocks would say, 2nd gear is JUST RIGHT. The good news is I've been creative in using a combination of 1st and 3rd on my batters and doughs to get the job done, but the bad news is I have to stand there at the mixer instead of being able to walk away while it does its thing and I go do something else. Here's what my Hobart looks like:
I love it because it has no safety cage, which I ranted about at length here.
But it is dying, so something MUST be done. I am nothing without my mixer, just like Wonder Woman without her invisible plane, and Paula Deen without her annoying laugh and southern accent.
Good news: Boss says he has a line on a brand spankin' new mixer for a reasonable price. Bad news: All new mixers have safety cages. Also, it's not a Hobart, which means we can't use our current attachments and bowls. It's a Thunderbird, made by a Canadian company. Nothing against the Canucks, but I want an OLD Hobart with no safety cage! Here's the Thunderbird:
There's lots of great old Hobarts for sale on eBay. Why can't I have one of those? God if I have to deal with that darn safety cage I most certainly will end up in the old pastry chef looney farm.
Good news! I got my hair done last week, just like I do every 6 weeks. A color job to cover the gray and a trim if needed. My natural color is a medium auburn and that's the color I get every time. Bad news: my hairdresser changed color lines, and had to try to match my old formula from the old color line using the new color line. Now I'm a magenta head. If I were 25 years younger I could probably get away with the wild flame that now sits on top of my head. But not at 45. I just look like I used a cheap box of Clairol from Rite Aid. I look like Ronald McDonald. A red nose and the look is complete. When I leave the house I scare the children.
If you ever visit Port Townsend, and you see the "crazy lady with flaming hair" holding a sign that says "Will work for old Hobart" that would be me.
Bad news: My mixer at work is dying. It's a lovely old 20 qt. Hobart, but 2nd gear is toast. I can only use 1st gear (uber slow) and 3rd gear (uber fast). Guess which gear I use most. That's right. As Goldilocks would say, 2nd gear is JUST RIGHT. The good news is I've been creative in using a combination of 1st and 3rd on my batters and doughs to get the job done, but the bad news is I have to stand there at the mixer instead of being able to walk away while it does its thing and I go do something else. Here's what my Hobart looks like:
But it is dying, so something MUST be done. I am nothing without my mixer, just like Wonder Woman without her invisible plane, and Paula Deen without her annoying laugh and southern accent.
Good news: Boss says he has a line on a brand spankin' new mixer for a reasonable price. Bad news: All new mixers have safety cages. Also, it's not a Hobart, which means we can't use our current attachments and bowls. It's a Thunderbird, made by a Canadian company. Nothing against the Canucks, but I want an OLD Hobart with no safety cage! Here's the Thunderbird:
There's lots of great old Hobarts for sale on eBay. Why can't I have one of those? God if I have to deal with that darn safety cage I most certainly will end up in the old pastry chef looney farm.
Good news! I got my hair done last week, just like I do every 6 weeks. A color job to cover the gray and a trim if needed. My natural color is a medium auburn and that's the color I get every time. Bad news: my hairdresser changed color lines, and had to try to match my old formula from the old color line using the new color line. Now I'm a magenta head. If I were 25 years younger I could probably get away with the wild flame that now sits on top of my head. But not at 45. I just look like I used a cheap box of Clairol from Rite Aid. I look like Ronald McDonald. A red nose and the look is complete. When I leave the house I scare the children.
Out of the wedding cake business. I feel like this bride and groom here...........tired. I just wanna kick my shoes off
enjoy a summer for once. After 17 years, buttercream and bridezillas have taken their toll, and I'm throwin' in the ol'
spatula. Hmmmmm......note to self......"Buttercream and Bridezillas" is a GREAT title for my memoirs!
Don't get me wrong......I love the task of actually creating, designing, baking, and finishing off a fine wedding cake. It's the art of it and the beauty of it that motivates me. It's all the other stuff I'm burned out on. Like, what, you say?
Well, how about........
I'll still do specialty cakes, birthdays, fun stuff like that. I'm hoping to make the time to enter a few competitions too.
The local gingerbread house contest, and even perhaps the Oklahoma Sugar Arts Show.
But please, for the love of GOD, do not even bring me a Martha Stewart magazine or mention her name, or I'll be more than happy to show you what the door looks like..........as it's closing behind you.
See? Told ya it was the "Year of the Bitch".
enjoy a summer for once. After 17 years, buttercream and bridezillas have taken their toll, and I'm throwin' in the ol'
spatula. Hmmmmm......note to self......"Buttercream and Bridezillas" is a GREAT title for my memoirs!
Well, how about........
- being chained down every wedding season, mostly on weekends, so that it's impossible to take a vacation with my schoolteacher husband (who, of course, has summers off).
- consultations with brides and their mothers who obviously have not agreed on anything and have decided to fight over the wedding cake and expect me to act like Dr. Phil.
- brides who can't tell me what they want and don't like anything I show them.
- having to follow what's trendy, and being given pictures of cakes other designers have done so I can copy them, rather than doing my own design (which, most likely would kick some serious ass). I swear if I have to do another swiss dot, or Martha Stewart monogram cake, I will commmit "ishy squishy" (bakers lingo for death by spatula).
- spending hours, even days, on one single cake, knowing that in a short time all my beautiful work will be sliced up, plated, consumed, and mostly forgotten about. I remember one day in pastry school I was spending WAY too long on a cake, and my pastry instructor winked at me and said, "You know, think about it.....whether you spend 3 minutes or 3 hours on a cake, they all come out the same in the end anyway." I've never forgotten that. Gives one perspective.
- being typecast. I've always been really good at doing cakes, so that's what I ended up doing at virtually every place I've worked. I love doing cakes, but I love the other stuff too! It's like Bob Denver will always be Gilligan (RIP Gilligan). I don't wanna be Gilligan. I wanna be like Meryl Streep and play all sorts of interesting parts.
- wedding cake deliveries. Even if you know what you're doing, once the cake leaves the shop, it is victim to environment and circumstances beyond your control. Super hot days when even the air conditioning in the delivery van can't stave off the temperatures of a long trip in traffic. Children under your feet as you struggle to carry the heavy box to the cake table which happens to be in direct sunlight outside (sigh), making arrangements with the bride that I will arrange the flowers on her cake, and she will have them there for me, and they're not, and I have another delivery across town in an hour......drivers who tailgate and honk at me as I take corners very carefully....no, I don't really care to sweat out any more wedding cake deliveries. And, since I'm more out of shape than I used to be (see my previous post) I'm far more prone to a heart attack. Gotta think about my health ya know.
I'll still do specialty cakes, birthdays, fun stuff like that. I'm hoping to make the time to enter a few competitions too.
The local gingerbread house contest, and even perhaps the Oklahoma Sugar Arts Show.
But please, for the love of GOD, do not even bring me a Martha Stewart magazine or mention her name, or I'll be more than happy to show you what the door looks like..........as it's closing behind you.
See? Told ya it was the "Year of the Bitch".