- Most jobs (not all) rarely have things like paid vacations, medical or dental benefits, shift differentials, or 401K plans. Basically, it's just a paycheck.
- Speaking of paychecks, they're not very big. People in the service industry don't get paid like software engineers, and they never will. I couldn't afford to be a pastry chef if it weren't for the fact that I can depend on my husband's paycheck to get us through. Sure, you can find decent wages in the industry......they exist....mostly in the bigger cities like New York, Chicago, L.A., Las Vegas.....if you work in a hotel your chances of getting benefits are good too.
- Kitchens are hot and uncomfortable. Knives are sharp. Large amounts of food are heavy. Ovens and pans are hot. Floors are slippery. The grease trap is the foulest thing you'll ever smell. Rats are NOT your friends.
- Because of the above, some chefs can be crabby a$$holes. Some of them will take it out on you. There's lots of cussing and temper tantrums. You'll hear bad words that you didn't even know existed before. Sometimes saute pans fly through the air. Remember to duck.
- Just because you have a passion for food and all things culinary, doesn't mean most of your co-workers feel the same way. A lot of food service jobs are entry-level and these jobs are filled by people that intend to go on to better things (or not). Either way, they don't care about stuff like you do. Sometimes you have to pick up their slack and it's not fun.
- In the food world, an 8 hour shift is short. Most of the time, you're done when you're done. Employers like to find ways not to pay you overtime. And sometimes, you do the REALLY STUPID THING (because you care so much), and work OFF THE CLOCK. Please don't do this. I've done it, and all it's gotten me is a crapload of resentment that I carry around. Resentment makes one bitter, and bitter people don't do the world any favors, except when they're telling people not to do what they did. *ahem*
- Speaking of shifts, guess what? Not many of them are "9-5". Early mornings......late nights, graveyard, swing, weekends, holidays........yeah, social life? Put that on hold. What's worse is the holidays are the busiest for most places.....so not only do you have to work on the holidays, but you have to work HARDER. And faster.
- Sometimes, no matter how hard you work or how much passion you put into something, customers will still complain. Because it's human nature to complain when things are bad, and not compliment when things are fine or excellent, we hear more negative feedback than positive. Not good for morale. My favorite movie moment: In the film "Mostly Martha" or the American re-make "No Reservations", the chef-heroine stomps out to the table of the customer complaining about the doneness of their steak, slaps down a piece of raw meat, and says, "There! Rare enough for ya??" How many times I wish I could have done something like that.......
- Sometimes, the owner of the establishment or your immediate boss (who may not necessarily be a chef), will ask you to do the seemingly impossible.........like, they'll say, "oh I forgot to tell you, there's an order for 200 petit fours for tomorrow.........at 7 am." It is now 8 pm and you've already worked 10 hours. If you're experienced you know to prepare for stuff like this, and will have your "stash" in the freezer......all you have to do is cut and dip 'em. But it still means your 10 hour shift has now become a 13 or 14 hour shift. Or it means that you go home and get up really early the next day to do it. OR, you have to build the petit fours from the ground up, meaning you have to bake off the cakes that night AND get up early the next morning to finish them off. Either way, it's really irritating, because you found out the order was on the books since last week, and you're put out because the GM "just forgot" to tell you! Ha ha! It's so much fun to pull stuff out of your butt just to save theirs! Ha ha! Anyway, that's just an example......but it happens.....more often than one would think.
- I've touched on the immediate injury part of the job; burns, cuts, and falls, but there's long term injury too. After 18 years I have to wear orthotics in my shoes from standing on my feet all day; I've had carpal tunnel surgery on both hands, but the numbness and pain are now recurring, and I have osteoarthritis in my shoulders and hands. I don't have the stamina I used to either. Granted, it's not the most risky and dangerous job in the world, but the long term effects aren't fun to live with, and they make it harder to do my job too.
- In order to do your job right (and make it easier for yourself) you have to invest in a lot of your own equipment. You also have to protect it with your life, because if your co-workers get a hold of anything it will either get lost or horribly abused or both. For the hot side, it's mostly knives, thermometers and even nice saute pans. For the pastry side, it's even more complicated.......spatulas, piping bags and tips, specialized and varying sized pans, molds, cake rings......etc. This equipment is not cheap either. And on both sides, the hottest commodity is towels. Yes, towels. Everybody needs their towel! Most places have linen services with the clean towels being delivered once a week. Generally the rule is that everyone can have one (or two) clean towels per day. Lots of people disregard this and go through 10 towels a day, and three days into the week, all the clean towels are GONE. Because of this you will then see people getting smart and taking their weekly towel allotment, and stashing them in a secret place, just so they'll have enough towels to get them through the week.......or......they'll bring their own towels, which invariably, a co-worker will manage to steal.
Ha ha! Get it? Bogging.....blogging?
When I get home from a long day at the bakery, where I've been on my feet all day, I just want to sit my ass DOWN.
Every once in a while, I, as an average moviegoer, feel compelled to write reviews on movies I've seen. But only the ones I feel passionately about. Last Friday, I saw one such film, since it's nominated for Best Picture this year. I try to see all the "contenders" so I can talk smack at the annual Oscar party that our neighbors throw. I was invited last year, not sure if I'll be invited this year. Maybe 'cause I talk smack. Anyway, I saw this:
- that great "new mixer smell" which Jewlz likened to the smell of her mother's sewing machine. Namely, gear oil. Mmmmm.....nothing like a good ol' whiff of gear oil in the morning to get you going.
- a bowl lift that is actually easy to lift. I can do it one-handed, unlike the old Hobart where I had to use two hands and a "power-lifting grunt". UNNNNNNH!
- a TIMER! No more over-whipped egg whites or homemade butter from cream. Not that I ever walked away from the mixer and completely spaced it off.......no, not me.
- it's quiet. Not that that really makes any difference, since I have a convection oven that more than makes up for my lack of peace and quiet in my kitchen. And a radio that keeps me awake by blaring classic rock into my head.
- it has a warranty! But it's only good in Canada on Tuesdays between 1:00 pm and 1:05 pm. It's always good to read the fine print.
- it's shiny. Shiny is good. Shiny is cool. I plan to keep it shiny too........which brings me to my list of cons.........
- keeping it clean......because of the freaking safety cage, there's so much more to wipe down.....more nooks and crannies for flour, and various other "goop" to accumulate.
- the safety cage. I STILL hate it, although there IS an opening (a small opening....it has to be small....if I could get my hand in there, it would sort of defeat the purpose of the cage.) that comes with a pouring shield so I can add ingredients while the mixer is running and the cage is in place. But realistically the opening is so small that adding things through it is very inefficient because you have to do it so slowly. HOWEVER, I do know how to disable the cage mechanism....heh heh heh. I'll fiddle with that next week.
Well, for those of you who are wondering, the good news is that I'm still on my diet and exercise program. The bad news is I haven't lost much weight yet. I work so hard for such agonizingly slow results it makes me want to jump right off my Fitness Flyer and into a Twinkie Truck.
Bad news: My mixer at work is dying. It's a lovely old 20 qt. Hobart, but 2nd gear is toast. I can only use 1st gear (uber slow) and 3rd gear (uber fast). Guess which gear I use most. That's right. As Goldilocks would say, 2nd gear is JUST RIGHT. The good news is I've been creative in using a combination of 1st and 3rd on my batters and doughs to get the job done, but the bad news is I have to stand there at the mixer instead of being able to walk away while it does its thing and I go do something else. Here's what my Hobart looks like:
I love it because it has no safety cage, which I ranted about at length here.
But it is dying, so something MUST be done. I am nothing without my mixer, just like Wonder Woman without her invisible plane, and Paula Deen without her annoying laugh and southern accent.
Good news: Boss says he has a line on a brand spankin' new mixer for a reasonable price. Bad news: All new mixers have safety cages. Also, it's not a Hobart, which means we can't use our current attachments and bowls. It's a Thunderbird, made by a Canadian company. Nothing against the Canucks, but I want an OLD Hobart with no safety cage! Here's the Thunderbird:
There's lots of great old Hobarts for sale on eBay. Why can't I have one of those? God if I have to deal with that darn safety cage I most certainly will end up in the old pastry chef looney farm.
Good news! I got my hair done last week, just like I do every 6 weeks. A color job to cover the gray and a trim if needed. My natural color is a medium auburn and that's the color I get every time. Bad news: my hairdresser changed color lines, and had to try to match my old formula from the old color line using the new color line. Now I'm a magenta head. If I were 25 years younger I could probably get away with the wild flame that now sits on top of my head. But not at 45. I just look like I used a cheap box of Clairol from Rite Aid. I look like Ronald McDonald. A red nose and the look is complete. When I leave the house I scare the children. If you ever visit Port Townsend, and you see the "crazy lady with flaming hair" holding a sign that says "Will work for old Hobart" that would be me.
enjoy a summer for once. After 17 years, buttercream and bridezillas have taken their toll, and I'm throwin' in the ol'
spatula. Hmmmmm......note to self......"Buttercream and Bridezillas" is a GREAT title for my memoirs!
Don't get me wrong......I love the task of actually creating, designing, baking, and finishing off a fine wedding cake. It's the art of it and the beauty of it that motivates me. It's all the other stuff I'm burned out on. Like, what, you say?
Well, how about........
- being chained down every wedding season, mostly on weekends, so that it's impossible to take a vacation with my schoolteacher husband (who, of course, has summers off).
- consultations with brides and their mothers who obviously have not agreed on anything and have decided to fight over the wedding cake and expect me to act like Dr. Phil.
- brides who can't tell me what they want and don't like anything I show them.
- having to follow what's trendy, and being given pictures of cakes other designers have done so I can copy them, rather than doing my own design (which, most likely would kick some serious ass). I swear if I have to do another swiss dot, or Martha Stewart monogram cake, I will commmit "ishy squishy" (bakers lingo for death by spatula).
- spending hours, even days, on one single cake, knowing that in a short time all my beautiful work will be sliced up, plated, consumed, and mostly forgotten about. I remember one day in pastry school I was spending WAY too long on a cake, and my pastry instructor winked at me and said, "You know, think about it.....whether you spend 3 minutes or 3 hours on a cake, they all come out the same in the end anyway." I've never forgotten that. Gives one perspective.
- being typecast. I've always been really good at doing cakes, so that's what I ended up doing at virtually every place I've worked. I love doing cakes, but I love the other stuff too! It's like Bob Denver will always be Gilligan (RIP Gilligan). I don't wanna be Gilligan. I wanna be like Meryl Streep and play all sorts of interesting parts.
- wedding cake deliveries. Even if you know what you're doing, once the cake leaves the shop, it is victim to environment and circumstances beyond your control. Super hot days when even the air conditioning in the delivery van can't stave off the temperatures of a long trip in traffic. Children under your feet as you struggle to carry the heavy box to the cake table which happens to be in direct sunlight outside (sigh), making arrangements with the bride that I will arrange the flowers on her cake, and she will have them there for me, and they're not, and I have another delivery across town in an hour......drivers who tailgate and honk at me as I take corners very carefully....no, I don't really care to sweat out any more wedding cake deliveries. And, since I'm more out of shape than I used to be (see my previous post) I'm far more prone to a heart attack. Gotta think about my health ya know.
I'll still do specialty cakes, birthdays, fun stuff like that. I'm hoping to make the time to enter a few competitions too.
The local gingerbread house contest, and even perhaps the Oklahoma Sugar Arts Show.
But please, for the love of GOD, do not even bring me a Martha Stewart magazine or mention her name, or I'll be more than happy to show you what the door looks like..........as it's closing behind you.
See? Told ya it was the "Year of the Bitch".