Old Pastry Chefs never die, they just make less dough.

The Leaning Tower of Cake

nobody@vox.com(Annie) — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 17:36:15 -0700

Here's another quickie........

I've been so busy lately, it's not even funny......for me, there is no such thing as "spare time"! Ha ha!

There a very trendy cake design out there that's been around for a number of years now. It's very popular and won't be going away any time soon mostly because, well, it's fun and cool looking. The originator of this design is Polly Schoonmaker who has trademarked it as a Whimsy Cake. She is the only decorator who can legally call it that. Other decorators, answering the call of their clients have copied the design but have called it things like "topsy turvy cake", "crooked cake", "slanted cake" and "mad hatter" cake. I like to call it a "Polly Cake", because as a fellow cake artist, I like to give credit where credit is due!

Here is an example........and this one really IS a Mad Hatter cake:

Madhatter

At the request of the bride, this cake doesn't slant or lean like most of the others do, like this:

Psychopolly

I really like doing these cakes because they are a little offbeat.....sort of like me. They also offer so many opportunities for creativity......here's another one I did (one of my personal faves):

Cakedeluxe

A lot of cake artists have their own way of constructing these suckers, and some methods are overly complicated and unnecessary. I recently posted a little tutorial on how I do it, along with crude caveman drawings to illustrate my instructions. It's posted on eGullet right here.

And now, back to whatever I was doing.

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Cake Wrecks!!!

nobody@vox.com(Annie) — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 07:00:20 -0700

Here's another quickie for ya!

A pastry chef friend of mine just sent me this link.....it's great!

Some of the world's worst cakes!

Cakewrecks!

Here's a preview.......!

Hideous Cubed

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Holy Macaroon, Batman!

nobody@vox.com(Annie) — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 21:36:54 -0700

Yeah yeah......I'm still here......it's summer you know......and for pastry chefs, well, that means we're busy. Almost too busy to blog.........!

So this one's a quickie.

I'm very well known for my coconut macaroons. They rock. They've always been popular and have sold consistently well. One of my signature items in my box of tricks. What people don't know however, is that they are the Chosen Ones.

I have proof. One day, I took my macaroons out of the oven and put them on the rack to cool. A few minutes later, I looked up and saw that one of my macaroons had come upon the light. And a voice said,

Annie, do not covet thy macaroon, but put them forth to the masses to be consumed and enjoyed, for

these are the chosen ones; the holiest blend of coconut, eggs, and butter of which I have bestowed my

eternal blessing.

The Chosen One

It was a freakin' miracle I tell you. It was like the Burning Bush.......macaroon style. So as a pastry chef, I continue to spread the love........one macaroon at a time.

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My Ode to Dishwashers

nobody@vox.com(Annie) — Mon, 19 May 2008 22:07:19 -0700

Yeah, I know, I haven't added to the ol' blog in while, but I've been cranky. Always happens this time of year. The busier it gets in the kitchen the crankier I get. I also don't deal well with warm weather. My main goal during my workdays in the summer is to get stuff in the oven early so I can turn the damn thing off. It's about 20 degrees warmer in the kitchen than it is outside, and if it's 70 outside, then I'm 90 degrees irritable inside. That's also one of the reasons I'm a pastry chef.....I can't take the "hot side" of the kitchen (where all the badasses reside), and chopping onions is pure torture. When I die, I KNOW I will be chopping onions in Hell's Kitchen forever.

Anyway, today's topic is DISHWASHERS. Not the kind you have in your home that you fill with dishes, add the Cascade, and run til the dishes are sparkly, and then hope someone in the house that isn't you, just might notice the dishes are clean and take it upon themselves to put them away. No, I'm talking about the guy or gal that works in the restaurant/bakery/cafe/etc. washing everything that has been gooked up by you, the food service professional.

restaurantdisher

Let it be known:

I LOVE DISHWASHERS!

Especially now, because for the past year and few months, I haven't had one. Not that I never appreciated them.....God knows every job I had, the dishwasher(s) were my best friends. Shirley Kay, and Jesus, this one's for you.

Yeah, you read that right. Jesus did my dishes. Before he worked the dish pit, he amazed a crowd by feeding them all with 5 loaves of bread and two fish. Jesus used to be a chef, man, but that gig burned him out. That's when he came to me in the form of a dishwasher.

Ok, I kid......Jesus of course, was pronounced "Hay-soos" and like a lot of my dishwashers whom I've had the great pleasure of working with, he was from Mexico. When he was first hired at my place of employment (Seattle's well known Alki Bakery), he knew almost NO English. We did find out what his name was and loved to say that the one and only Son of God was doing OUR dishes. He'd just smile at us and keep scrubbing. As time went on, he caught on to more English and he told us to help him because he really needed to learn the language. He told us not to speak any Spanish to him. Later we found out he was taking English as a Second Language at the University of Washington.

We loved Jesus.....he was always smiling....no matter how much crap we threw at him in the form of baked on dirty dishes or otherwise. He worked amazingly fast, and he actually came to our stations to pick up our dishes instead of us having to make the trip to the pit to drop them off. After a while we didn't think it was possible for us to dirty up the dishes faster than he could wash them. He was a freakin' dishwasher superhero. In fact, on the slower days when he wasn't getting enough dishes to wash, he'd take it upon himself to do whatever. Whatever needed to be done, he'd come to one of us and do it. Chop something? Done. Scoop something? Done. Kill a rat? Done. If we had nothing for him to do, he'd figure something out. One time, he made a bunch of hooks out of the pile of clotheshangers from our linen service to hang our pastry bags on to dry. He also made heavy duty hooks to hang pans on from the drying racks. Jesus......was......a miracle. A smiling, dishwashing miracle.

His English kept getting better and better. We'd help him out.....especially with the slang. You can't get on in a busy kitchen without knowing the right curse words and slang! One day, Jesus wanted to compliment me on my large bosom. Back in the day, I was known to have quite the hourglass figure. I'm not one to be offended by such remarks, because I work in a kitchen. If you are offended by that stuff, well, you don't really belong in food service. Yeah yeah, sexual harrassment, blah blah blah.......but being in a kitchen is all ABOUT sexual harrassment.....in a fun way of course.

Anyway.

Jesus wanted to compliment me, but didn't know the correct English to use. He held his hands out in front of his chest and said, "Annie.......nice........Cha Cha's!" I knew exactly what he meant, and the guys all piped in with the numerous English words for said "cha cha's". Actually, out of all the euphemisms.....I think I like "cha cha's" best.

One day, it got to the point where Jesus was fluent enough to tell us his story. We were shocked to find out that in his native Mexico he was a chemical engineer! He was going to the U Dub to learn English and to get his education to be a chemical engineer here in the U.S.! You should have seen our faces fall.....we knew right then, his time as our miracle dishwasher would soon end. One of the guys didn't want to believe it. He told Jesus to write a formula on our dry-erase board. Jesus promptly went to the board and wrote something very Albert Einstein-ish. Of course, he could have been BS'ing us, since we didn't know chemical formulas, but we knew it wasn't.......he was too fast....too sure of himself. It also explained why he was such a dish superhero......all of it was too easy for him.

We treasured every day we worked with Jesus. When the day finally came for him to move on to pursuing the American Dream, we gave him a helluva party. I also got one of my most treasured gifts ever.....he got me a card and wrote in perfect English how much he loved working with me, and that he would NEVER forget my "cha cha's". I went home and cried.

Jesus, wherever you are now.....I hope you're doing great!

dishlicker

Shirley Kay was my dishwasher at the European Pastry Cafe. She was my age, but learning disabled, and oh so sweet. She had a heart of gold and the innocence of a 4 year old. She never called out sick, was on time every day, worked hard and did whatever she was told.

I was the assistant pastry chef. The head pastry chef, Jim, and his co-hort Chris, whom we nicknamed Crispy, were a team of comedians. If there was a chance for them to tease Shirley Kay or even me, they'd do it. Jim and Crispy took nothing seriously. Being learning disabled, Shirley Kay didn't take to teasing very well. Everything Jim and Crispy said to her, she took very seriously. She'd get upset, and that made them tease her more. It got to the point where they were downright cruel, and I started stepping in in her defense. I'd tell them to lay off when she'd start to cry and she saw me as her "white knight". She stuck to me like glue and would always do special things for me. She'd come take my dishes and we'd both stick our tongues out at Jim and Cris. She loved that.

Sometimes I'd get really mad at those guys.......dishwashers like Shirley Kay were hard to come by.....if anything, their constant teasing would be the one thing to drive her away. I always made sure I was extra nice to Shirley Kay to make up for the constant haranguing of Jim and Cris.

Shirley had always done the dishes by hand in the required 3 compartment sink. Finally the owner of the Cafe decided to have an Auto-Chlor (an automatic commercial dishwasher) installed to make Shirley's job easier and more efficient. This was great news. But not as far as Shirley was concerned. Jim decided to tell Shirley that a new guy named "Otto" was coming to take her job away. He'd say, "You better work faster Shirley! Otto's coming!" and Shirley would say, "I don't want to talk about Otto! You're lying about Otto!"

I'd explain to Shirley that "Otto" was "Auto Chlor", an automatic dishwasher that would make her job easier, not take it away, but she didn't understand this, since she'd never seen a commercial automatic dishwasher before. The two weeks before we got "Otto" installed was pure hell, and Jim enjoyed every minute of Shirley's fear. Finally when "Otto" came and Shirley realized what it all meant, the relief flooded her face.

One day, at Jim's suggestion, I made rumballs, but instead of rolling them into balls, I rolled the mixture into logs, and then wrapped each log in white chocolate. Then I cut the log into small sections on a bias. Then each end was dipped into dark chocolate. They were cool looking. I said to Jim, "What should we call them? Rum Logs doesn't sound that good."

Jim thought a moment, and said, "How about we call them "Shirley Kays?" "

Shirley of course, overheard, and said, "You're naming something after ME???"

"Yeah...." Jim said, getting very red in the face.

She ran over to him exclaiming, "Shirley Kays! Shirley Kays!" and gave him a big ol' hug.

I think if his face got any redder he'd explode. God forbid it be known he was being nice to Shirley Kay!

I put the Shirley Kays on a display tray and made a sign for them to put in the case. Shirley was beaming.

Whenever she would run a load of dishes to the front counter she'd say to anyone there, "Have you tried a Shirley Kay? They're delicious!"

It was a very sweet thing. Under all that incessant teasing, Jim had a heart there.....deep down.

Shortly before I left the Cafe, Shirley Kay's family moved her to Aberdeen. She called me a couple of times, but I've lost touch with her now. Where oh where are you Shirley Kay? Are you still doing dishes somewhere? Can you come to Port Hadlock? I need you.

bestdishwasher

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Check this Byrd out, yo!

nobody@vox.com(Annie) — Sat, 12 Apr 2008 11:07:07 -0700

Beryl!

For anyone who has accessed this blog hoping to find out info or insights on what it's like to design and decorate cakes, I'm afraid I've severely disappointed you.

But I'm burned out, remember? About the last thing I want to write about is cakes. I don't even EAT cake for that matter. But if you really want to see what I've done, and can do, you can always visit the Cake-o-rama.

However, my friend Beryl, who is not burned out (as far as I know) is not only writing about cakes, but is one of the best cake designer/stylists out there! She is also a redhead! Redheaded cake stylists rule the world, if not the entire universe. Mike McCarey is a redhead too.

See?

You MUST check out Beryl's website, Just Fabulous Pastries!

Check out her blog too! The View from the Top of the Cake!

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So you wanna be a chef? Ha ha! Ha ha!

nobody@vox.com(Annie) — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 14:30:09 -0700

Career in Culinary Arts?

First of all I wanna give props to the artist of this comic! Professional cook by day, aspiring comic strip writer by night!

He knows of what he writes. Anybody who's done their time in kitchens can relate to this comic. Check it out!

Obscene Cuisine!

Like the name implies, it's not for the easily (or even slightly offended). And if you're easily or slightly offended, then you've never worked in a kitchen, and you wouldn't understand anyway.

Which leads me to the topic of this post.......why becoming a chef is a really dumb idea. For most people.

So you're probably asking, "Anne, you're a chef, are you dumb?" And the answer to that is, "Yes.......yes I am."

So now you're probably saying, "Well why are you still a chef?" And my answer to that is, "Because my stupidity

knows no bounds."

And other chefs are saying, "You're a pastry chef, you don't count!" And to that I say,

"F*&k you, hot side!" Just kidding!

I love all of you on the hot side (when you're not spilling your hollafreakingdaise

sauce on my wedding cakes or storing thawing meat above my short dough, or turning the oven up to 500 degrees when I've got cheesecakes in there!)

Seriously though Anne, why are you a pastry chef?

Well, here's my story. The short version.

In a galaxy far away and long ago (the 80's), I graduated from high school with absolutely no aspirations, goals, or plans for college. Not to mention money. I thank my "guidance counselors" for this. I had no guidance from them and they never informed me that there was life after high school....they also never clued me in on things like "scholarships" or "careers" or anything like that. Of course I don't blame myself, because you know, that "personal responsibility" thing is SO passe! So graduation comes and goes, and left me saying "now what?" Well, my parents, god bless 'em, had the answer......I'm getting a job! Mom even knew where I was getting a job too. After a shopping spree to buy me some "job huntin' clothes", she put me on the bus to downtown Seattle so I could fill out a job app with the PHONE COMPANY. Mom worked at the phone company and knew what an exciting career I could have there. So I filled out an app, took a bunch of tests, had an interview, and I was hired. This began my fulfilling 10 year career of being a telephone operator. Um........NOT. Oh sure, working at a union job at the phone co (in those days, before cell phones, computers, and other various technologies) was a cushy gig. I had paid vacations, sick days, personal days, full medical, dental and vision coverage, catered buffets during the holidays, time and a half on Sundays.......it was sweet. That's what kept me there. I was making more money then most of my friends and I bought a brand new car. Who needs college? Just one small problem.......the JOB.

Pardon my french, but it sucked a$$.

After 10 years of talking to the stupidest people on the planet in 15 to 30 second increments, and having managers tell me to work faster, but be more personable and polite to the customers, I'd really just had it. I wanted OUT, but had nowhere to go. After being a telephone operator for that long, I didn't really have much of a job skill set except to be a secretary or a receptionist or an answering service employee. All I knew was that sitting on my butt all day in a little cubicle talking to idiots was not my thing.

Now it's 1990, and technology is on the verge of exploding.

The dudes at the phone co. saw the writing on the wall, and knew they weren't going to need very many operators in the future because "the machines" were going to take over. The Union saw this too, and made sure there were certain job re-training benefits in our contract. One day the "company" publicized their new program called "Pathways", which translated meant, "here's a little money to go to college and learn something and get another job so we don't have to give you a giant severance package!" Well, that was my ticket out. I did a lot of baking at home as a hobby....it was relaxing and fun! I thought "Wow! I'll go to school and learn to be a baker! That would be a fun job!" I didn't do anything smart, like do a little research on what it was like to be a baker, or what kind of pay they got, or anything of the sort. I just KNEW that my job sucked SO BAD, that absolutely NOTHING could be worse, and that's all I needed to know.

So I enrolled in my local technical college's baking and pastry and culinary arts programs and took a leave of absence from the phone co. Phone co. paid for ALL of it, and hubby supported me through it all too.

School was great. I excelled. I found something I was REALLY GOOD at.

And to this day, I love the actual work I do. I love creating, making pretty and delicious things, and I love it when people take the time to compliment my work, because it all makes for "job satisfaction". But after 18 years of doing this, I wish that someone had sat me down when I decided to bake for a living and tell me about all the "other stuff".

Who knows if I would have made a different decision, but I definitely know I would have thought about it a little more.

Ironically, the computer repair technician class was right next door to the college bakery, and honestly, as geeky as I am, I really should have been in THERE, pocket protector and all.

What's the "OTHER STUFF"?

The "other stuff" is what the recruiters for the big name culinary schools (like Le Cordon Bleu et al) don't tell you.

It's what I had no clue about when I went into culinary/pastry school. It's the stuff that weeds out the true chefs (translate: crazy maniacs) from the wannabe's in a matter of months.....or even weeks. Or days. Hey, don't get me wrong, I'm all for "following your bliss", because I followed mine. But remember......ignorance is bliss. Just don't be ignorant. If you're gonna change careers, or embark on one in the culinary field.....for the love of g*d, do your homework! Go get a part time job in a restaurant or bakery to see it up close and personal. Read "Kitchen Confidential" by Anthony Bourdain. Interview chefs and other food people. Read this blog.

Off the top of my head, here is the STUFF I am talking about.

Most jobs (not all) rarely have things like paid vacations, medical or dental benefits, shift differentials, or 401K plans. Basically, it's just a paycheck.
Speaking of paychecks, they're not very big. People in the service industry don't get paid like software engineers, and they never will. I couldn't afford to be a pastry chef if it weren't for the fact that I can depend on my husband's paycheck to get us through. Sure, you can find decent wages in the industry......they exist....mostly in the bigger cities like New York, Chicago, L.A., Las Vegas.....if you work in a hotel your chances of getting benefits are good too.
Kitchens are hot and uncomfortable. Knives are sharp. Large amounts of food are heavy. Ovens and pans are hot. Floors are slippery. The grease trap is the foulest thing you'll ever smell. Rats are NOT your friends.
Because of the above, some chefs can be crabby a$$holes. Some of them will take it out on you. There's lots of cussing and temper tantrums. You'll hear bad words that you didn't even know existed before. Sometimes saute pans fly through the air. Remember to duck.
Just because you have a passion for food and all things culinary, doesn't mean most of your co-workers feel the same way. A lot of food service jobs are entry-level and these jobs are filled by people that intend to go on to better things (or not). Either way, they don't care about stuff like you do. Sometimes you have to pick up their slack and it's not fun.
In the food world, an 8 hour shift is short. Most of the time, you're done when you're done. Employers like to find ways not to pay you overtime. And sometimes, you do the REALLY STUPID THING (because you care so much), and work OFF THE CLOCK. Please don't do this. I've done it, and all it's gotten me is a crapload of resentment that I carry around. Resentment makes one bitter, and bitter people don't do the world any favors, except when they're telling people not to do what they did. *ahem*
Speaking of shifts, guess what? Not many of them are "9-5". Early mornings......late nights, graveyard, swing, weekends, holidays........yeah, social life? Put that on hold. What's worse is the holidays are the busiest for most places.....so not only do you have to work on the holidays, but you have to work HARDER. And faster.
Sometimes, no matter how hard you work or how much passion you put into something, customers will still complain. Because it's human nature to complain when things are bad, and not compliment when things are fine or excellent, we hear more negative feedback than positive. Not good for morale. My favorite movie moment: In the film "Mostly Martha" or the American re-make "No Reservations", the chef-heroine stomps out to the table of the customer complaining about the doneness of their steak, slaps down a piece of raw meat, and says, "There! Rare enough for ya??" How many times I wish I could have done something like that.......
Sometimes, the owner of the establishment or your immediate boss (who may not necessarily be a chef), will ask you to do the seemingly impossible.........like, they'll say, "oh I forgot to tell you, there's an order for 200 petit fours for tomorrow.........at 7 am." It is now 8 pm and you've already worked 10 hours. If you're experienced you know to prepare for stuff like this, and will have your "stash" in the freezer......all you have to do is cut and dip 'em. But it still means your 10 hour shift has now become a 13 or 14 hour shift. Or it means that you go home and get up really early the next day to do it. OR, you have to build the petit fours from the ground up, meaning you have to bake off the cakes that night AND get up early the next morning to finish them off. Either way, it's really irritating, because you found out the order was on the books since last week, and you're put out because the GM "just forgot" to tell you! Ha ha! It's so much fun to pull stuff out of your butt just to save theirs! Ha ha! Anyway, that's just an example......but it happens.....more often than one would think.
I've touched on the immediate injury part of the job; burns, cuts, and falls, but there's long term injury too. After 18 years I have to wear orthotics in my shoes from standing on my feet all day; I've had carpal tunnel surgery on both hands, but the numbness and pain are now recurring, and I have osteoarthritis in my shoulders and hands. I don't have the stamina I used to either. Granted, it's not the most risky and dangerous job in the world, but the long term effects aren't fun to live with, and they make it harder to do my job too.
In order to do your job right (and make it easier for yourself) you have to invest in a lot of your own equipment. You also have to protect it with your life, because if your co-workers get a hold of anything it will either get lost or horribly abused or both. For the hot side, it's mostly knives, thermometers and even nice saute pans. For the pastry side, it's even more complicated.......spatulas, piping bags and tips, specialized and varying sized pans, molds, cake rings......etc. This equipment is not cheap either. And on both sides, the hottest commodity is towels. Yes, towels. Everybody needs their towel! Most places have linen services with the clean towels being delivered once a week. Generally the rule is that everyone can have one (or two) clean towels per day. Lots of people disregard this and go through 10 towels a day, and three days into the week, all the clean towels are GONE. Because of this you will then see people getting smart and taking their weekly towel allotment, and stashing them in a secret place, just so they'll have enough towels to get them through the week.......or......they'll bring their own towels, which invariably, a co-worker will manage to steal.

If none of the above puts you off much, then maybe you can be a chef too.

Sometimes being poor and happy is better than being rich and miserable.

The bottom line is, that's why I'm still doing it, because I'm just not interested in doing anything else. Even though some days as a pastry chef have been downright miserable, I've never hated my job the way I hated being at the phone company. Life is a series of trade offs. There's some BS you can put up with and some you can't. I've chosen the BS that I can put up with and I think that's one of the keys to choosing your career. Choose your BS wisely, people!

My last piece of advice.

You do NOT have to spend big money to go to culinary school! Or for that matter spend any money at all. If you do decide to attend an expensive school, remember, it's really hard to pay off a big student loan on an entry level cook's wages! Also, when it comes to getting a job, employers usually choose a solid work history over school anyway.

School is merely a way to learn the basics and get your foot in the door. You can do this very cheaply, or you can get paid while you learn by getting an entry level job in a restaurant or other food establishment. The good thing about this is if you decide that a career in the culinary arts isn't for you, you won't have lost any type of investment.

On another note, it's not the school that you attended that "makes" you......it's your attitude and willingness to work hard that makes you. It cost just over $3000 for me to attend culinary and pastry arts programs at a vocational college, and I've been able to bake (and decorate) circles around many a CIA grad who've paid a heck of a lot more for their education. 'Nuff said.

Why did I write this?

Because a lot of people ask me questions about my job and being a chef. They are considering a career in culinary arts and are smart enough to do the research (unlike myself). I've written so many letters to people, I decided that if I had something pre-written to direct them to, I could save myself a lot of time. Pastry chefs are masters at figuring out what will save them time, because we have so much to do in so little of it.

What? You still want to be a chef? Sucker!!!!

Priceless!

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Am I blogging down the internet?

nobody@vox.com(Annie) — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 13:07:48 -0700

Ha ha! Get it? Bogging.....blogging?

Well if my presence isn't bogging down the internet yet, maybe someday it will. I've got this here li'l pastry chef blog thingy, my own website, and now........I'm on Facebook.

I figured anybody who's anybody is either on MySpace or Facebook, and I chose Facebook, because I can't stand MySpace. Facebook is a little strange too, but it's a great way to find friends. Especially when you're like me and don't have any friends in real life. Internet friends are great.....they say you're their friends but they don't ask you for money or favors or a shoulder to cry on. No strings attached!

Actually being on Facebook put me in touch with a dear friend I hadn't seen since high school, so the whole Facebook thing has already paid off.

I'm pretty savvy when it comes to all things internet, but I will say Facebook can be really confusing to use and navigate through. Then there's all these little sub-applications you can add that can make things even more weird.

Some are good, some are really lame. What I really don't understand is why they charge you a dollar (or more) to send your internet friends a little picture that will appear on their Facebook profile. Excuse me, but why would I want to pay for that? Do fill me in.

If you don't have a Facebook account, go create one now! Then look me up and add me as your friend! I needs me some more kwazy internet friends.

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The modern bag lady.

nobody@vox.com(Annie) — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 20:33:55 -0800

Chico Bag!!!

Ok, so this post isn't about pastry or baking, but there are baguettes in the picture to the right, so it counts, OK? I stick to the theme of my blog......technically.

Anyway, I just got back from my hairdresser (my hair color is now normal again, the Ronald McDonald look is gone-yay!), and she showed me this cool bag she got as a gift.

It's called the Chico Bag.

I am now the official spokesmodel for the Chico Bag.

It's so cool! And cheap!

It's a lightweight nylon bag (think parachute material), that stuffs up into its own little tiny bag....small enough to put in your purse or coat pocket so you can take it with you anywhere. It comes in all sorts of colors and if you buy 4 you get the fifth one free. They're 5 bucks apiece.

Totally awesome. I've always hated having to designate "paper or plastic" at the grocery store, since I know that either choice isn't environmentally friendly. The only environmentally friendly choice is a reusable bag, but of course, I never have one with me. Now I will!

I bought five of them.......two for me and 3 more to give as gifts.

Ok, end of public service announcement and free plug for the Chico Bag.

Coming soon........more sugar infused ranting............

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Fun with Photoshop.

nobody@vox.com(Annie) — Sun, 10 Feb 2008 18:14:41 -0800

When I get home from a long day at the bakery, where I've been on my feet all day, I just want to sit my ass DOWN.

After I get my dose of the TV News, I usually plunk myself down in front of the computer, check my email, post on

eGullet and Cheftalk, see what that latest is on Britney (can't help myself, as I said in my previous post, I love trainwrecks), and then play around with my favorite computer program, Adobe Photoshop. Before I was a pastry chef, I was a geek, and I'm still a geek. I used to be very quiet about my geekness, but now I'm proud, especially when we have movies that get sympathy for our cause, like "Revenge of the Nerds". Then of course, there's Bill Gates. The nerd you make fun of today, could possibly own you tomorrow! All hail Bill! Of course I'm not saying that because Bill and my brother look strangely alike. No, not at all.

Bill-garth

Anyway, I indulge my inner geekness after a long day of swimming in butter eggs, and flour. Here's my latest Photoshop project, in which I have inserted my face into a picture on the front of an old Hamilton Beach Mixer user's manual. Added some rats, and changed a little wording and you have yet another example of expressive art created by, yes, a burned out pastry chef. I've stayed on the "bitch theme" because well, I'm still on a diet.

Mixergalme

Do I need professional help? You betcha. But computer art therapy is much cheaper.

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The Critics Corner

nobody@vox.com(Annie) — Sun, 10 Feb 2008 17:24:55 -0800

Every once in a while, I, as an average moviegoer, feel compelled to write reviews on movies I've seen. But only the ones I feel passionately about. Last Friday, I saw one such film, since it's nominated for Best Picture this year. I try to see all the "contenders" so I can talk smack at the annual Oscar party that our neighbors throw. I was invited last year, not sure if I'll be invited this year. Maybe 'cause I talk smack. Anyway, I saw this:

Blood

I would like to say, passionately, that this film was the most excruciatingly long, boring, weird, piece of CRAP I've ever seen and I paid 8 bucks to do so. For one thing, this film has the WRONG title. It should be:

Boredom

There, that's better.

And that, basically, is my review. If you would like to go out, spend 8 bucks to watch an overly long excruciatingly boring, bizarre movie, squirm in your seat and pray for it to end so you can go home and shoot yourself in the head, then this is the movie for you. If this movie wins ANY awards at the Oscars, I will be yelling at the top of my lungs at the television set, therefore securing my exclusion at next year's Oscar party, and all because of this STUPID STUPID movie.

I'd like to know something too.......who in the heck ARE the people that decide what gets nominated for an Academy Award? They are not of this planet, and I can tell from their choices, I would not want to socialize with them, much less go out to the movies with them. I have a feeling if Martin Scorsese made a film about grass growing, they'd love it and it would be a shoe-in for best picture. I think the only thing that saves the Academy Awards is the red carpet show beforehand, where all the smarmy emcees are critiquing equally bad fashion. Bad film, bad fashion. Everybody loves a trainwreck. As do I. But boring trainwrecks? Not so much.

To quote the late Gene Siskel and Roger Ebert, I give this movie 2 big thumbs down. And every other part of my body that points in an earthbound direction, which at 45, is quite a lot.

If this review saves anyone their 8 bucks, then I've certainly done my job.

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