2 posts tagged “chocolate”
That's right. PUMPKIN PIES WILL BE FLYING OUT OF MY BUTT.
See illustration.
As a pastry chef with years of experience, I COULD be making fancy, delicious, and somewhat difficult desserts that would grace your palate with flavor, texture, and just enough sweetness to satisfy. Something good. Something different. But NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Fall is here and the holidays approacheth, and I'll be making the simplest and what I consider to be the most overrated dessert on the planet, PUMPKIN FREAKING PIE.
Ok, I know, people are busy, don't have time to cook, or are hard pressed to bring dessert to dinner and they can't bake their way out of one of Rachael Ray's cookbooks. Yes, I suppose I'm performing a public service and I should take pride in that, but I just can't.........maybe it's because I hate, no wait, make that, LOATHE pumpkin pie.
I hate anything pumpkin. Pumpkin bread. Pumpkin brulee. Pumpkin lattes (ewwww!) Pumpkin milkshakes......Pumpkin pumpkin. I just hate pumpkin. And I hate making things I hate. And I can't figure out, for the life of me, when there's so many OTHER good things to eat out there, why people go PUMPKIN CRAZY this time of year. Hey, remember chocolate??? Why are the traditions of the holidays so strong that people feel the need to eat sugared pureed squash? Even if it was PROVEN that the pilgrims even ATE pumpkin pie on the first Thanksgiving, who cares? If they'd been able to obtain any cacao products, I'm sure all the pumpkin crap would have flown out the window. I say we do what the pilgrims WOULD have eaten for dessert if they could, and that is chocolate chocolate chocolate.
And while I'm at it, if the Pilgrims could have had anything to eat for Thanksgiving, would they have really had TURKEY? C'mon. I'm sure they were so tired from doing their old world chores, they would have called out for Chinese in a hot second. Or pizza.
I hope y'all enjoy your Thanksgiving. Turkey and pumpkin pie and all.
I just ask that you think of, and pray for me, and my butt.
to my 15 minutes of fame. I believe I've used up maybe 5 minutes so far. I calculate I have 9 minutes and 58 seconds more to go. That's just enough for a segment on "Dateline". Oh, but wait, to get on "Dateline" I have to
either form a bizarre plot to kill my husband, or troll for underage boys and girls in chat rooms. Nah, forget "Dateline".
How about a spot on the "Jerry Springer Show"? Then I get to bring whomever I want and beat them up. I could go for 9 minutes and 58 seconds of that.
But I digress.
This recent two seconds of fame is attributed to my latest cake project. As per usual, I didn't get paid to do it. It was a donation to an auction to raise funds for the Jefferson County Historical Society. I donated my services to create a celebration cake for the grand re-opening of Port Townsend, Washington's historic city hall. Originally they wanted me to re-create the building in cake, but I didn't have the space, the refrigeration, or quite that much time to do a replica of the building. So I designed a tiered cake, in the popular crooked whimsical fashion, that represented the best parts of the interior and exterior of city hall. The top and bottom tiers represent the best of the outside of the building, and the middle tier represents the brand new carpeting installed in the interior. The thing that looks like a satellite antenna on the top is a representation of some beautiful railing work done by the late great blacksmith/artist Russell Jacqua.
Not sure how much time I spent on this thing, but it was a lot of time. I started the project at the beginning of September and completed little tasks in between all my other responsibilities that related to domestic engineering and my outside cookie baking job (of which I no longer have-Thanks Heidi!!!). I was asked how many hours it took me.
I didn't count. I honestly don't know. Maybe 100? Maybe more....maybe less. Here's a picture. I added the pigeons and the seagull at the last minute at the suggestion of my husband.....brilliant!
The inside of the cake was an amazing chocolate stout cake with a hazelnut praline buttercream filling. The chocolate stout cake is definitely the best chocolate cake ever. Yes, it's made with stout beer, and no, the cake does not taste like beer. It tastes like wonderful moist dark chocolate. It rocks! Want the recipe? Go here.
