6 posts tagged “pastry chef”
Every month a baking challenge is posted, and every one who is a member participates then blogs about it at the end of the month. This month's challenge was a caramel cake with caramelized butter icing and an optional challenge to make caramel candy. I was less than thrilled to find out that my first challenge would be CAKE. Argh. I'm sick of cake!
I'm sick of decorating cakes, I'm sick of baking them, I'm sick of eating them! And because I'm up to my neck in cake nearly 5 days a week, this challenge wasn't much of a challenge for me.....it was more like another day at work. But I whipped it out and made the caramels too, which was much more fun. I don't get to make candy much.
The caramel cake recipe was provided by Shuna Fish Lydon (one can't help but wonder how many people have nicknamed her "Tuna Fish"....I know I would if she worked with me.) I have actually baked this type of cake before, but under another name; Burnt Sugar Cake. I had a customer request it some time back, so I recognized this caramel cake as the Burnt Sugar Cake, popular in the 50's and 60's. Here is Shuna's recipe if you want to try it: Caramel Cake.
A word of warning though, this thing is SWEET, and I mean sweet. Didn't suit my taste, but the fam loved it, the sugar fiends that they are.
If you want to read Shuna's blog (she's a pro like me), here's the link: Eggbeater.
Anyway, here's the obligatory pics as proof of my participation in this month's challenge:
Did I have trouble making this? Nope. Like I said, just another day in the trenches.
Speaking of trenches, did you know that I'm a burnt out pastry chef? Why did I join the Daring Bakers? Because I can't help myself I suppose, and I really need to get a life out of the kitchen. But what to do? I know other pastry chefs who feel "stuck" too, because they can't imagine doing anything else, as do I. But I'm going nuts and my body is giving out. I can't do the hours I used to. My feet hurt, my arms hurt, my hands hurt, my brain hurts.
I need sugar.
I have a big problem with other humans who fail to grasp the obvious. I used to be fairly nice about it, but now that I've aged, my patience has stretched thinner and thinner. Some people may even call me a bitch. But hey, at least I'm not stupid.
I work in a "country bakery". In the building where I make all my magical pastries, there is no retail space. It's just a bakery. The retail space is located about 45 minutes away in a neighboring city named Poulsbo. Every day I make things that get shipped to the retail space every morning at 5 am. Here's the front door of the Cafe, complete with our bread baker, Tyson, and his happy mug to greet you.......
On Saturdays, the bakery is opened up and we make a bunch of stuff to sell people right from the kitchen. My worktable becomes a display table, and from there we sell a selection of items from my side, (the frou-frou side), and the danish, croissant and bread side. Saturdays are one of my days off, so I'm not there to greet the hordes of sweet-toothed customers. We hired a person for that. Customer service.....not my deal.
Now you'd think that the people in Port Hadlock were starving for bread by the way they come up to my door on a daily basis thinking that we're a retail space and that we're open to the public. They act like they can't get artisan bread anywhere, but it's not true......there's a perfectly good grocery store about a mile away that sells perfectly good loaves of artisan bread. There's something about the lure of a bakery that draws people in. And my building has that magical word on it....."BAKERY", which you can easily see from the road.
Now, when I'm trying to get my work done, and I have a lot to do every day, I don't really relish being Miss Wal-Mart Greeter and telling everybody who walks up that no, we're not a retail space, there's nothing for sale here now.....please come back on Saturday, or please visit our Cafe in nearby Poulsbo. There's a LOT of people who walk up to my door regularly and the spiel was becoming tiresome. So I thought some well placed signs would help.
First I composed some signs for the windows that said, "Open every Saturday from 8 am to 2:30" and also some informational signs about our Cafe in Poulsbo that is open daily except Mondays. I made the print large. I stuck it in
the window right where people walk up so they couldn't miss them. Or could they? Yes, they could. They'd walk right by
the sign and come to the door and say, "Are you open?" And I'd have to launch into the spiel. I marveled at how people could A) miss the signs, and B) look in the window and not figure out that there was nothing for sale in there. I mean, you look inside and you just see two people working. No cash register, no tables, no chairs, no coffee or espresso, nothing on display. Just a big worktable, ovens, a big sheeter and a KitchenAid mixer. Does it LOOK like a retail space? Not even remotely.
Sigh. So I thought I'd make MORE signs and place them right where they couldn't miss them.......on the front door, where they'd always walk up. At eye level. One ON the door and one on the SIDE of the door.
This is my favorite though. Some people will come up to the door, read ALL the signs, THEN ask, "Are you only open on Saturdays?" AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH! Now what the HECK is that all about? It is when that happens that I find it very hard to mask my irritation, but I do. "That's right Ma'am" I say, "only on Saturdays! Please come back then!"
My boss thought it would help if he put a sign right near the roadway.
Sigh.
I'm not one to give up easily. I'm convinced that if we cover up the sign that says "BAKERY" on the side of the building, people will stop pulling in. Maybe. I don't know. It's probably the smell that draws them anyway. I can't win.
But perhaps if I could change that thrift shop readerboard..........
This blog isn't only about food, and pastries, and the fact that I happen to be a pastry chef. It's also about flab. My flab. The flab that comes with food and pastries and the fact that I happen to be a pastry chef.
Dammit, I'm not really FAT, I'm flabulous! But I'm heading down the slope to fat......faster and faster.
Let's look at the facts. I'm a 45 year old woman, teetering toward menopause. I work in the food business, I truly do love to eat, and I've always hated to exercise. I'm doomed, right? One would think. But I don't give up so easily.....
especially when my husband drops hints about getting out for a walk once in a while. I know he's REALLY saying this:
"Honey, someday, even the Viagra won't help." Yeah, I know the deal.
I really don't want to be one of those people you see in Costco with the oxygen tank and a scooter chair. I don't want to shop at Lane Bryant! I wanna shop at the Slut-o-Rama where Paris, Lindsay and Britney shop.
In reality, I do overeat just enough to keep me on the flabby side, but not enough to make me a BBW. My slowing metabolism and the fact that exercise is another room in hell for me is my main problem. I'm also embarrassed to exercise in public. I'm aware of the fact that no one really wants to see me sweatin' and flabbin' down the street.
Besides, my body is sort of like a freight train, once the momentum gets me going it takes a long time to stop.
I fear that one day I may mow down a child.
So I'm in the market for a little used exercise equipment. Boy there's a lot out there, and it's pretty cheap too. This isn't really saying much about exercise equipment though, is it? Is it really effective? Are so many people trying to get rid of theirs because it just doesn't work and gets too boring? One wonders. At least I'm smart enough not to buy any of it new, and if I think it was a bad purchase later, I can at least sell mine to the next optimist.
I scored my first piece of equipment for FREE just the other day. It's called a Voit Gravity Rider. Here is a picture of one:
Does anybody know how to get a good workout on this thing? Or are they all up for sale because nobody else could figure it out either?????
Now that I'm on the subject of awesome kitchen appliances, here's something I saw on the web forum eGullet this morning......
A completely "pimped out" Hobart mixer. Well, "pimped out" as in, "nice paint job", and the fact that it's brand new.
But ask an experienced pastry chef if they want their mixer "pimped out", and they will list a nice paint job as the
last thing they'd ask for. Realistically, a nice paint job on a mixer is kind of a sad thing because then you feel
more obligated to wipe it down when you get a nice dusting of flour on the thing, which basically happens, oh, every few milliseconds. It's worse than waxing your shiny black Corvette and then taking it for a spin in the Mojave Desert.
Listen to me, Hobart Corporation! If you want to really, I mean REALLY "pimp out" my mixer, then you will remove
that stinking SAFETY CAGE that's around the top of the mixing bowl! Oh yeah, sure, I know, there's "safety regulations" and "liability" and "social responsibility" and all that crap. But you know what, I'm a big subscriber to Spencer's/Darwin's theory of "Survival of the Fittest", and I'm also concerned with how polluted our human gene pool has become, simply because modern safety features are allowing stupid people stay alive to actually procreate and bring into this world more stupid people. We simply must stop this from happening by removing all safety devices and letting "nature take its course".
I've been a baker/pastry chef going on 17 years now, and not once have I ever had the urge to stick my hand or any other body part in a moving commercial mixer. Actually the injuries I suffer most are cuts from knives and burns from ovens, but maybe I shouldn't say anything about that, because GOD FORBID someone puts a safety cage on my chef's knife or a heat shield on my oven doors......for cryin' out loud.
Apparently, however, there ARE people, and ENOUGH of them, that HAVE stuck their hands, ponytails, feet, genitalia, etc, in moving commercial mixers, and so now, we bakers that actually have IQ's above 10 have to suffer for it. Thanks a lot, people. Help! We're stupid! Protect us from OURSELVES!!
Now why would I be so incensed about a safety cage? Well, mostly because in the process of mixing things, I have to
add ingredients as the mixer is running, a lot of it has to do with the success of the batter, icing or dough, and also, if you add an ingredient while the mixer is running, it creates much less of a mess because the ingredient doesn't come splashing back up at you, if you'd added it all at once, then turned the mixer back on. See, the mixer won't run unless the safety cage is fully in place. You have to stop the mixer, spin the cage around, add your ingredient, close the cage again, and then re-start the mixer. Invariably, because you're trying to mix a big of a batch as the mixer is capable of, when you start that sucker, even on low, something is gonna come back up out of the bowl and make a mess. Not only that, it screws up your batter because you've lost a good portion of what you were adding. It's now on the floor, or EVEN WORSE, making your black mixer with the radical flame-age look really pathetic.
Sure, I've tried adding the ingredients to the running mixer through the holes in the cage, but that gives me just as much stuff on the floor as if I'd added it all at once with the mixer off. Dammit!!!!!!!
I'm willing to bet, even though I haven't actually researched it, that Hobart now offers a "special pouring shield" just so we pissed-off pastry chefs can add our ingredients to a running mixer with the cage still engaged. But how much are you charging for this thing? Knowing Hobart, it's NOT cheap. I say, if we have to live with a stupid safety cage, then we should get the pouring shield for NO EXTRA CHARGE.
Of course, one skill you must possess as a pastry chef is learning how to adapt and make do with equipment that sucks or barely works. In the case of the Hobart with a safety cage, I've become very clever with magnets, cleverly
placed cut out plastic bowl scrapers, and duct tape. Yes, I've figured out many ways to disengage the safety cage
switch so I can get my work done (and done right) in a normal work day, which, for pastry chefs ranges from 8 to 24 hours, and no, I'm not kidding. Best of all, there's little to no ingredients lost due to them jumping out onto the floor!
Bakery owners generally don't like "loss" or "waste". Yeah, I know, they don't like industrial insurance claims either, but if they're gonna hire someone with an IQ of less than 10 and will work for minimum wage and can't figure out that industrial equipment is indeed dangerous, then you know what, they get what they get. That's why we "higher paid" experienced pastry chefs exist because we don't put our hands in moving mixers and then get all whiny about it.
Plus, we seriously know how to kick ass, and "ass kicking" just ain't gonna happen if you make our jobs harder with that STUPID STUPID safety friggin' CAGE!!!!
So really PIMP MY MIXER Hobart Corporation! Remove the cage. Paint it pink, and put Hello Kitty on it. Pink is a calming color you know......we PC's could use some calming colors....it's not like we're uptight about stuff or anything like that.
And speaking of Hello Kitty kitchen appliances........
And let's not forget the most IMPORTANT appliance......
And if any of you "homies" as in, "home bakers" wants to trick out their mixer at home......try this out:
NOTE: Now before you get all riled up about my comments about stupid people, the gene pool, "survival of the fittest", employers getting what they deserve for hiring minimum wage workers, etc, look up the meaning of the word "satire". Yes, I'll wait. What did you learn? That satire means: " Irony, sarcasm, or caustic wit used to attack or expose folly, vice, or stupidity." Okey dokey then.....don't be getting all mad now, 'cause I'm not totally serious about
the proliferation of stupid people (Bush Administration) and eliminating them. Just partly.
So why am I doing it? Ok, here's why:
- To let off "steam", but without intentionally offending people. So please note, if you're offended by anything in this blog, it's unintentional! Which makes me perpetually innocent.
- To entertain my repressed fantasy of being a humor columnist. All hail Dave Barry!
- To let folks who encounter all my various posts on food, pastry, cake decorating and baking forums, get some insight on the real me, and whether they should take my advice seriously. Yes, you should take my advice seriously, because although I spew a lot of crap, when it comes to my profession, I'm just a little too serious. Maybe "wound too tightly" as some people have put it. The words "anal-retentive" and "obsessive-compulsive" have all been words frequently used to describe me, along with other fun hyphenated words like "manic-depressive" and "passive-agressive".
- I've always wanted to be a monkey.
I'm just kidding! Sort of. Since apparently, I am STILL talking about myself, here's some other trivia:
- I'm 44 years old, but I look 43.
- I'm a natural redhead, but I color my hair to cover the lice.
- I struggle with my weight, but never step on the scale (hey, it's just a number!) Does this blog make my writing look fat?
- I am half Dutch (mom's side) and from my dad's side, a quarter Swedish, and an eighth Scottish, and an eighth Irish. This explains the red hair, a preference for bland food and potatoes, and the inability to put up with crap. Yes, to me, mild salsa is WAY TOO SPICY!
- I have a thing about memorabilia that comes from the mid 40's to the 70's. Bad cookbooks. Any appliance with the word "Luxe" in it. Cocktail culture. If I could dress like June Cleaver every day, I would, but I need to get a waist first. And it's kind of hard to walk in the Northwest mud in high heels. Here's one of my favorite retro web sites! Lileks.com!
- I have one brilliant red-headed brother named Garth who runs his own business, Rubber Chicken Software. He got the brains in the family.....I got the......hey! What did I get?
- I will always be a pastry chef, even when I'm not a pastry chef. You can take the girl out of the kitchen, but you can't take the kitchen out of the girl!
- I have a thing about recycling and reusing things. I can't stand waste. I moderate a local group that's part of a nationwide movement, called Freecycle. My local group is called Jefferson County Freecycle. It's a great way to help the community and the environment and meet your neighbors!
- I have an awesome husband and a great stepson, although they still tease me about the time I tried to name all 7 continents and I thought one of them was Hawaii. Ok, shut UP! I don't know EVERYTHING ok? I can tell you everything about pastry, just don't ask me about continents. Or geography. Or math, or history, or physics. Or anything else that really matters and might help you win on Jeopardy.
- I really don't blab this much. Normally, I'm blending into the paneling.
to my 15 minutes of fame. I believe I've used up maybe 5 minutes so far. I calculate I have 9 minutes and 58 seconds more to go. That's just enough for a segment on "Dateline". Oh, but wait, to get on "Dateline" I have to
either form a bizarre plot to kill my husband, or troll for underage boys and girls in chat rooms. Nah, forget "Dateline".
How about a spot on the "Jerry Springer Show"? Then I get to bring whomever I want and beat them up. I could go for 9 minutes and 58 seconds of that.
But I digress.
This recent two seconds of fame is attributed to my latest cake project. As per usual, I didn't get paid to do it. It was a donation to an auction to raise funds for the Jefferson County Historical Society. I donated my services to create a celebration cake for the grand re-opening of Port Townsend, Washington's historic city hall. Originally they wanted me to re-create the building in cake, but I didn't have the space, the refrigeration, or quite that much time to do a replica of the building. So I designed a tiered cake, in the popular crooked whimsical fashion, that represented the best parts of the interior and exterior of city hall. The top and bottom tiers represent the best of the outside of the building, and the middle tier represents the brand new carpeting installed in the interior. The thing that looks like a satellite antenna on the top is a representation of some beautiful railing work done by the late great blacksmith/artist Russell Jacqua.
Not sure how much time I spent on this thing, but it was a lot of time. I started the project at the beginning of September and completed little tasks in between all my other responsibilities that related to domestic engineering and my outside cookie baking job (of which I no longer have-Thanks Heidi!!!). I was asked how many hours it took me.
I didn't count. I honestly don't know. Maybe 100? Maybe more....maybe less. Here's a picture. I added the pigeons and the seagull at the last minute at the suggestion of my husband.....brilliant!
The inside of the cake was an amazing chocolate stout cake with a hazelnut praline buttercream filling. The chocolate stout cake is definitely the best chocolate cake ever. Yes, it's made with stout beer, and no, the cake does not taste like beer. It tastes like wonderful moist dark chocolate. It rocks! Want the recipe? Go here.
